Feelings Deep Inside
by Lady-Rinoa14
Summary: COMPLETE. 1 x R. Canon. What if Relena was indeed shot by Dekim Barton in Endless Waltz? How will the Perfect Soldier cope when the princess holds on to dear life? How could he have been too late?
1. Last Words

What if Relena was indeed shot by Dekim Barton in Endless Waltz? How will the Perfect Soldier cope when the princess holds on to dear life? How could he have been too late?

**Feelings Deep Inside**

"_My feelings will reach you, I know they will__  
><em>_They'll fly over anything that stands in their way__  
><em>_My feelings will reach you, chasing hope__  
><em>_The tears flow__  
><em>_Can't you imagine it?"_

_~Kimochi wa Tsutawaru by BoA~_

* * *

><p>"If you wish to shoot me, go right ahead. I'm prepared to die!" said Relena Darlian, dressed in her diplomatic uniform, as she bravely turned and faced Dekim Barton.<p>

An arrogant laugh came from the old man wearing the uniform of the Barton Foundation on the opposite side. "Then I'll tell you the truth before you die. The public is always expected to obey the victor!" He swiftly pointed his gun at the Vice Foreign Minister's chest and fired. The sound of the bullet leaving the gun and piercing through Relena's chest filled the room.

"Miss Relena!" shrieked Mariemeia as she covered her mouth with her hands; her eyes wide with horror when Relena fell backwards on the cold hard floor.

Dekim laughed at the sight of Relena's blood gushing out of her body and was quickly staining the floor. "The princess is dead! And total pacifism dies with her!"

He went on, "Now we need a new leader! We can always create a replacement for Mariemeia! I made her after all!" exclaimed Dekim when he pointed his gun next at Mariemeia.

"Dekim!" shouted Lady Une with pure disgust. She pointed her own gun at the mad old man. Before she had the chance to pull the trigger, a bullet hit Dekim on the head, which was fired by his subordinate who was standing by his side. Dekim fell to the ground soaked in his own blood.

Trembling, the man who had shot Dekim said, "I've executed the rebel. I express my apologies for betraying His Excellency, Treize." He and the others then saluted; silence filled the room.

The Barton family had fallen.

"Relena," said a voice coming from the doorway.

Everybody turned towards the door at the back of the room as the Gundam pilot who had destroyed the fortress' shield came to view. The Prussian-eyed, brown-haired Heero Yuy looked terribly weary. He had cuts and bruises on his face and bare arms, and his jeans were also partly torn. Nobody moved as he let go of the gun he was holding, and began to walk, or limp rather, towards the center of the room.

He half-dragged his own body as he walked. He almost fell down a couple of times, but he did not stop. Still, nobody moved and tore their eyes away from the pilot even when he kneeled beside the fallen Vice Foreign Minister, whose white uniform was now almost entirely red from her blood. Her eyes were half-closed; her body lifeless. The small hole on her chest where the bullet hit was clearly visible.

Only the quiet sobbing of Mariemeia can be heard as she clung on to Lady Une's arm.

The pilot leaned forward and reached for Relena. He gently lifted her head centimetres away from the ground and cradled her head in his left arm, while his free hand lightly brushed her cheek. He looked at her pale face with piercing eyes as if mentally commanding her to wake up. But she didn't. She did not move. He placed his hand on the side of her neck and felt a weak, slow pulse.

She's still alive.

He said her name again. His hand gently moved her face to his direction. Everyone in the room watched as he then leaned further towards the Vice Foreign Minister, so closely that they thought he was about to kiss her. Instead, his lips lingered by her ear.

Lady Une, who was standing right in front of the two lovers, or so they thought, saw the pilot still slouched, and tried to speak to Relena. His words were inaudible and he mouthed the words so softly that Lady Une knew that those words were only for the woman in his arms.

_A confession? _Lady Une thought. She had been with the two since the war began in After Colony 195, and everyone acquainted with the two had always been confused with their ambiguous relationship. Relena loves him no doubt. And they, too, felt that the Perfect Soldier had feelings for the Peacecraft princess – feelings that goes beyond his over protectiveness about her safety. But the two still went on separate ways.

Now that it had come to this, Lady Une wondered if Heero was about to finally confess his feelings once and for all, given the grave situation that Relena was in. But God forbid that Relena Darlian shall die in this place.

Everybody knew that time was running out for the Vice Foreign Minister. She visibly had already lost a huge amount of blood and who knows what internal parts of her body was hit by the bullet. But still, everybody stayed where they were as they watched the brunet young man seemingly attempt to bring her back to life.

"Fight it, Relena. Peace is here. You have to make it," whispered Heero on her ear as he fought his own exhaustion, as well as the appalling feeling that was flooding his whole being. _How could I have been too late?_

He closed his eyes as he fought the urge to fall down tiredly and also the feeling of guilt creeping on him. He had failed her. He had failed her just like the little girl who kept on haunting his consciousness. He had tried so hard to wash away the smell of blood from his hands and erase the memory of the little girl and her dog that he had indirectly killed. Just when he thought that with the fall of the Barton family he can finally let go of the past, this happened. Again, he asked himself, "How could I have been too late?"

"Heero?"

The Gundam pilot immediately lifted his head when he heard her say his name ever so softly. Or was he just imagining it? It may have been true since almost everyone in the room gasped in surprise.

"It's me," he said monotonously, but his eyes conveyed a mixture of relief, surprise, and worry. He looked at her as she tried so hard to focus her vision on him.

"You...came," said Relena, gasping for breath. "Is... it... over?"

Heero nodded. "Yes."

"I'm glad." She forced a smile. "Live life, Heero... You... deserve... it." Her chest rose, indicating how much she tried to get some air. "I'm... glad... to see you... one last... time."

Live life? How was he going to live life when he knew that if she did won't make it, he will regret it for the rest of his life. How can he live life when the very person who he swore to protect died in his arms? No. If Relena won't make it, he won't as well.

"Fight it, Relena. _You _have to live," said Heero. He realized that he was now trembling. He felt as if every word that left Relena's mouth and every attempt she did to breathe seemed to stab him through the chest.

"I'm sorry... for being weak," she said weakly. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

_Weak? _The word felt like an insult to the Gundam pilot. "You're the strongest I've ever met."

"Thank... you... Heero... for everything," said Relena, her voice becoming even weaker. A tear came from each of her eyes and Heero felt as though he was being torn apart.

"I... love you..." she added before closing her eyes, which made more tears fall. Her whole body went lifeless in an instant.

Mariemeia was crying hard now as she made no effort to stifle her cries. She felt guilty about everything that transpired. She was the one who dragged Relena Darlian into this mess. And her unprecedented desire for power ended up being the Vice Foreign Minister's demise.

Lady Une embraced the little girl. She,too, still cannot believe what happened before their eyes.

"Relena," said Heero as he lightly nudged her head, desperately hoping to hear her voice again. "Keep talking, Relena. Talk to me, I'm here." He lowered his head, his face not visible to the others around him.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Talk to me," he whispered as he held her close. Exhaustion was taking over his body; he would not last any longer.

A lone tear helplessly escaped from his eye and cascaded down his cheek. How can he feel this way? How can he feel this pain and guilt when years before he might have been the one who will bring her this kind of fate.

"I promise you; I will never kill again," he said before blacking out.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note! ^_^<strong>

Heya, I'm back with a new story! Well this is not entirely new since a story with a similar plot has already been written before by cocobyrd87. But still, I just felt this need to write my own version of it. ^_^

This chapter's short, I know. But I do promise that the next chapter will be longer. I just think it's good enough to end the chapter like this instead of continuing any further.

R&R guys! ^_^ Have a nice day! Ja!

**Song credits: **Feelings Deep Inside is originally a Japanese song by BoA. Original title: Kimochiwa tsutawaru. English translation by megchan.

Link to megchan's website is on my profile page.


	2. Waiting

**Chapter 2: Waiting**

"_Can you see me from where you are?__  
><em>_Do you think I'm happy without you right here?__  
><em>_Time has gone by and my heart hurts more__  
><em>_and I cry every moonless nights~"_

_~Waiting by BoA~_

* * *

><p>How long had he been standing there? How long had it been since he woke up from a comatose state feeling like he had been to hell and back?<p>

Minutes? Hours? Days?

Crossing his arms, Heero Yuy leaned against the wall of the darkest corner of the room. He was always in this position when he watched over _her. _It was during the times when she was too preoccupied in maintaining peace in the universe that he had to look out for her, without her knowing. Only this time, she was not standing behind the podium while giving a speech. Now, she was lying on a bed... lifeless.

The room's lights were switched off and only the moonlight that came through the windows illuminated her figure. It was also silent in the hospital, indicating that even the doctors and nurses have already finished making shifts and visits to Relena's room. What frustrated the Gundam pilot was the beeping sound that came from the heart monitor beside the Vice Foreign Minister's bed.

Each beeping sound only made Heero feel worse and worse by the second. Looking at the good side of things, the fact that the heart monitor was still making that annoying sound only assured them, or him rather, that Relena is still alive. On another note, the longer these beeps lasted, the faster she was slipping away. And it ate him inside.

Assured now that the doctors will not be checking up on her at this time of the night, he uncrossed his arms, approached her, and stood beside her bed. His white shirt and pants that the hospital provided him reflected the moon light from outside.

He stood beside her, his eyes fully focusing on her. This was the third consecutive night that he had visited her ever since he woke up from his own slumber. From the moment he gained consciousness after the downfall of the Barton Foundation, he had monitored the visits of the doctors to his room. And whenever they were through with him at night, he would sneak out being the perfect soldier that he was, and go into her room unnoticed just to see her.

And just like the previous nights, he had done nothing but to watch her from the corner of the room, waiting, wishing, hoping, praying,if there truly was a god, for her to open her eyes. But she never did. The only response that he got was her slow breathing that seemed like an eternity for him.

But tonight was actually the first time that he had stood beside her this close. Relena Darlian lay on white sheets, and a white blanket was draped over her form up to her chest. Her golden locks gracefully lay on the white sheets. She looked so peaceful, serene, and still so beautiful. Her classic beauty accentuated with the moon light made Heero wonder if he were truly looking at an angel.

He had always acknowledged how attractive she is, as well as the effect that he she had on him. Otherwise, he would not have strayed from his oath of killing her when they first met. But he still had to come to terms on why he had allowed himself to think this way about her and only her.

He lifted his bandaged hand and lightly ran his fingers on her forehead, brushing her bangs. _Open your eyes, _he pleaded inside. It was ironic. When they were fifteen years old, he was the one who intended to send her to the grave until he had a change of mind... or a change of heart.

Not receiving any response from her, he pulled away his hand to run his fingers along his brown locks. His body still ached from the aftermath of the final battle; the bandages on his hands, arms, and torso were proofs of that. But that's all they were – injuries. _It should have been me, _he thought. For how many times had he already defied death? His penetrating eyes stared at the woman who breathed with much effort once more. _The world doesn't need me. This shouldn't have happened to you. It should've have been me._

"Damn it," cursed Heero as he pounded on the mattress. And for the nth time, he asked, "How could I have been too late?"

He had never failed a mission. He was able to set off a detonation bomb in ten seconds. He managed to hit the falling chunk of Libra on Earth and so much more. But he was unable to save the life of the sole person whom he had sworn to protect with his life.

He sat on the chair just beside the bed. It was the one that Zechs always used every day when he came to visit his only sister during visiting hours.

"It would have still happened to her anyway." He can still vividly remember Duo's words days before. "Don't be too hard on yourself."

_Is that it? _Heero leaned with his elbows on the mattress close to where Relena's hands laid. He shook his head. "I should've been there to protect you."

"Don't blame yourself, Heero." Another voice from his memory spoke to him. This time it was Hilde's.

Everybody told him the same thing over and over. How can he not blame himself? He was able to prevent it from happening. He had sworn to protect her. And she practically went lifeless in his arms. She was slipping into abyss and without her knowing, she was pulling him with her.

_Why did I survive? _He then recalled the moment when he opened his eyes after blacking out at the Barton Mansion...

_He opened his eyes only to be greeted with the bright fluorescent light on the ceiling. "Shit," said the Gundam pilot as he covered his eyes with his arms. Several days spent in being shrouded with darkness sure had its effects. And based on the white walls and his own clothing that he briefly glanced at, he already knew that he was in the hospital. As always, he thought._

"_He's awake!" a female voice said._

_And not a second more, he felt an added weight press on the side of his bed. "You ARE back! How you feeling, buddy?_

"_Duo?" he removed his arm from his face and looked at his braided-haired comrade._

"_Of course it's me!" Duo exclaimed._

_He was wearing his usual long-sleeved buttoned up black top and pants, his hair still braided. The dark-haired woman standing beside him was, if his memory served him right, was Hilde._

"_What are you doing here? How long have I been out? What happened?" asked Heero with his usual monotonous voice._

"_What a question," started Duo. Sighing, he pulled a chair and sat beside Heero's bed. "Well, you've been out for two and a half weeks now. And of course, can't leave you alone out here. So Hilde and I decided to stay on Earth and just check out if you've already woken up from time to time. We're renting a place nearby."_

"_Hn," was his only reply. And it was enough to make Duo smile._

"_What happened after I passed out?" asked Heero._

"_You just woke up, man. Don't you want to take on the lighter side of things first?" Duo teased, only to receive a glare from Heero. "Okay, okaaaay! No need to get angry!"_

_Duo continued, "After you passed out on that hell of a fortress, those who served under Dekim and Mariemeia were charged with rebellion, mutiny or something. Mariemeia received also medical treatment. After all, must have been traumatic for the kid. Lady Une's looking out for her."_

"_She's Treize's daughter. Of course, Une will take care of her," said Heero as he focused his gaze on the ceiling while listening to Duo. His arm was placed at the top of his head._

_Duo nodded. "Yeah. But I guess Mariemeia's okay now."_

"_How about the others?"_

"_Quatre went back to space to arrange his family matters on one of the resource satellites. He was here last week and left you flowers. Told us to call him when you wake up." Duo motioned to the vase with white flowers on his bedside table. "Trowa also came to visit before he returned to the circus. He said that you're the greatest fighter he knew and also inform him of what will happen to you."_

_Heero nodded. He wondered if he should be deserving of these acknowledgement from others. He failed, didn't he? "And Wufei?" he asked._

"_He's a Preventer now, under Sally Po's care," said Duo. "I'm telling you, there's something between those two!"_

_Duo's comment made Heero's lip curve up slightly. The thought of Wufei opening up to a woman was sort of amusing. And Sally is the type of woman who can match up with Wufei's rants on women. "Zechs and Noin?"_

"_Oh those two. They left for Mars a few days ago to help continue the terra formation project. They were here every day. Noin also left you flowers and Zechs said that they'll be expecting your quick recovery so he can meet you again."_

"_What for?"_

"_You're a hero, Heero," said Hilde, placing a hand on Duo's shoulder. "If it weren't for you, the battle wouldn't have ended. You were the one who got through the Barton's defenses and you also stopped Operation Meteor."_

"_Hey, hey! I also stopped Operation Meteor! And Trowa did too!" Duo teased, pretending to get angry. "Why do I always end up looking like just a sidekick?"_

_Hilde rolled her eyes and looked at Heero. "Yeah, okay fine. But the point is, Mr. Merquise said that he respects you a lot."_

"_I don't deserve that respect," whispered Heero more to himself. "The Gundams?"_

_Duo breathed in and out slowly. Mentioning the gundams apparently still made him sad, but his eyes seemed to tell otherwise. "Sorry, pal. You were outcold for more than a week and we don't have an idea on when you'll wake up, or will ever wake up at all. So we included Zero when we blew up our Gundams for good. Even Wufei agreed to surrender his Shenlong."_

"_So it's over," said Heero. "It's fine. There's no place for Zero and all the other Gundams in this world. Fighting should not be necessary anymore."_

"_Yeah." Duo agreed. "On a side note, aren't you going to ask about what happened to YOU? Somehow, hearing you ask about the others freaks me out. You weren't like that before."_

"_I already feel like hell, Maxwell."_

"_I can imagine," said Duo. "You overexerted yourself which became the primary cause of your loss of consciousness. You have about 15 broken bones in your body. Three of em's from your rib cage. Oh you also had crushing injuries, contusions and other damages to your internal and external. And after all that, you're still alive."_

"_I was thinking about the same thing." Heero paused. "Where's Relena?"_

_Duo and Hilde exchanged looks that mixed worry and surprise, though they already expected that Heero will ask about her._

_When silence filled the room, Heero turned to look at the couple beside him. "Where is she?"_

_Duo sighed. "I was actually wondering why you haven't asked for her in the first place. She's at the top floor of the hospital, the one at the farthest end of the hall to your right."_

_Heero nodded. So she's alive, thought Heero. Duo's eyes tried to assure him that he was speaking the truth. But then something in his comrade's eyes changed, which made Heero turn his attention back to the ceiling and asked as he prepared for the worst. "How is she?" _

"_She's n a coma," said Duo flatly._

_It struck him harder than he thought. Nevertheless, he still needed to know more. "Tell me more."_

"_She lost a lot of blood, man. When we entered the mansion, we saw you bathed in her blood. It covered the floor. The doctors did what they can to revive her. From what I figured out from all the jargons that the doctors were telling Zechs was that the bullet that Dekim fired hit her rib cage and a bit of her spinal cord." Duo paused. He did not know if telling Heero this information would be of any help, especially when he knew that this may hurt his comrade. For all the times that he had been with Heero, he would be considered a fool if he did not notice just how much Heero cared for Relena._

_It was Hilde who continued the story. "The bullet hit one of her rib cages and also a part of her lungs. So her breathing became difficult. The surgery was successful. But she had not opened her eyes since then. They had to put her on the top floor of the hospital to avoid media attention. Even her security team weren't allowed to enter the floor since the staffs in the hospital were bothered by it."_

"_I want to see her," said Heero._

"_Now? You can't. I don't think the doctors will allow you to walk yet given that you just woke up and you've got these tubes on you that are connected with dextrose," said Duo._

"_Let them try and stop me." Determination etched on his features, Heero sat upright, wincing at the pain on his upper torso as he did so. He noticed the white bandages on his torso before grabbing the injections on his arm to remove the tubes from his body._

_Duo immediately stood up and grabbed both of Heero's arms. "Hey, hey, hey! Wait! Don't do that!"_

"_Get off me, Maxwell. I have to see her," challenged Heero as he broke free from Duo's hold._

"_Listen to me, bud. It's 2:30 in the afternoon. I know you want to see her but everyone in the hospital's awake. Even if you think you can outrun the staff here, you will be sedated even before you reach her room with your condition. Go see her in the evening when everyone's sleeping."_

_Heero stopped. "That's the first time that you ever said anything sensible."_

_Duo rubbed his arm. He beamed, "I don't know if that's meant to be a compliment or a mockery, but I'll take it as the former. Anyway, go visit her at about 3:30 a.m. It's the safest time to be alone with her."_

"_Hn." Heero nodded._

"_Just keep this in mind," began Duo. "Whether you made it to the mansion in time or not, it still would have happened to her. Don't ever blame yourself from what happened."_

"_She's a strong person. She will surely comeback," added Hilde._

"They say I'm not to be blamed," said Heero. "But I swore to protect you." _Open your eyes._

Heero wrapped his bandaged hand around Relena's. Her icy cold fingers felt like frostbites that made its way up to his heart. His grip on her hand tightened as he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. No, this was not the same one that he felt whenever he thought of the innocent little girl that he killed in the past. This pain was even worse than that. It choked him; it strangled him, until he ended up praying for some miracle. _How can anyone mean this much?_

"Talk to me, Relena." _This is idiotic. _Heero's eyes laid on his and Relena's intertwined hands. He felt pathetic at what he was doing. In the past, Relena always talked to him, worried about him, and shared her thoughts with him. And in return, he had always replied in short, brief sentences. Now that she was in no capacity to speak, it was when he had the urge to do so.

"You're being unfair," said Heero as he rested his arms on the mattress. "You've always followed me, even in the midst of war. You honestly, selfishly tried to get your beliefs and ideals through to me. When you have done so, you just leave me like this?" His voice rose a bit with a tinge of anger.

He trembled as his other hand also reached out and held Relena's cold hand. "Damn it, Relena. I'm right here. Open your eyes."

Closing his eyes, he curled her fingers into a fist and pressed it on his forehead as he leaned closer. "Is this how I make you feel when _I _leave?"

If this was the Heero whom Relena had first met in After Colony 195, he would have left the instant that battle ended. He would have left the hospital unnoticed the moment he woke up. But this time, he just cannot do it. Instead, he found himself in _her _room every night until the sun rises. No, he will not leave her this time. Besides, he did not have an idea on where to go from here.

"I want to hear your voice," he said huskily and opened his eyes.

Footsteps outside Relena's room were heard and Heero immediately hid on the dark corner of the room. Moments after, when the footsteps were no longer head, Heero walked back to Relena's side. He looked at the bright full moon outside. Wind blew from outside into the room and gently played with his hair.

"_I love you." _Those were Relena's last words. He had always known that Relena cared for him. But to hear it from her directly still haunted him. _How could you love someone like me? _Heero looked at the sleeping angel in front of him. Even on her death bed, she still selflessly thought of him and his well-being. _"Live life, Heero... You... deserve... it," _she once said.

"Relena," Heero began. He ignored the voice from his head that told him to shut up. Relena had always tried to reach out to him, countless times, even when he did not want to be involved with her ideals. And for all these years that they had known each other, she did nothing but understand him. Now, it was his turn to reach out to her, to let her know that he had not left her side. _I've been silent for way too long._

Relena's playing a deadly game with Death right now. In any minute, she can flatline. This may be the only time to talk to her, to reach out to her. If that is so, then he will try as much as she did with him in the past. He had to get his message through to her. He just had to. If Relena dies, the regret of not being able to save her and not being able to tell him what he felt will only add to his own demise.

"Where do I start?" murmured Heero. "You're the one who's always good with words." He lowered his head. "I don't know where to go from here."

He sat on the chair beside Relena's bed. "Fighting is all I know. I was raised to be the perfect soldier. I find fulfilment when fighting. I find meaning, a purpose, like I was born to do it. I feel alive, satisfied when fighting. It was what I felt before I met you."

His eyes lay on Relena's sleeping form as he touched her hand again. "I met you. You saw my face on that beach." He closed his eyes at the memory. "You were only intending to help me. You called an ambulance. But then I ran away. It was the first time I left you. And then I tracked you down, attended your school, and threatened you on the eve of your birthday."

"I even made you cry when I ripped your invitation," he chuckled sarcastically. "But you still came for me at the port and attended to my wound when that idiotic Maxwell shot me."

"I thought you were pretty annoying back then, meddling with affairs that didn't concern you. At least that's what I've always told myself." He paused to lean closer to her. "But the truth is, I've been denying the effect you were already having on me. So I tried to push you away. I kept on leaving."

He kissed her hand. "You were so beautiful when we danced at the party in St. Gabriel. Even without any make-up on and you wore only the school uniform, you still stood out from the crowd. Until now, nothing has tarnished that beauty."

_If any of those idiots see me like this, I'll never hear the end of it. _He curled his fingers on his lap and continued. "So I fought. I continued to fight on the battle field, and you also fought on your own field. And I had always admired that. I've always envied your strength."

"You're always so honest and straightforward. I was aware of how you felt about me. However, I had to ignore it. I'm not used to these kinds of emotions." His voice was caught in this throat. "But you're clumsy at times. Even though I had always tried to stay away from you, you always end up in danger. And I find myself coming back to Earth just to assure your safety."

"I thought of it as mere duty. I thought I was protecting you all because you had to maintain peace that we worked hard for. But it ended up to being more than that, I realize that now." Heero reached out to lightly brush his knuckles on Relena's cheek. "You saved me, Relena. You changed something in me. I thought I was protecting you, but it was actually you who protected me from the dangerous path I might have taken during the war."

His voice was shaking now and he was trembling as he fought the heavy feeling that was consuming his being. "Don't give up. You're not alone. I'm not going anywhere."

Heero stood and cupped Relena's cheek, dying to see, hear, or feel any response from her. The pain was taking over him the more minutes passed. "I don't know what love is, but this is all I know." Slowly, he placed his other hand on the other side of her bed to support his weight as he leaned down to kiss her forehead before brushing his lips ever so lightly on Relena's pale ones.

It's always like this in fairytales, right? The princess who falls asleep awakens when kissed by a prince. Only that, this was reality and he was no prince. He pulled away slightly,his face centimetres away from hers, half-wishing that her cerulean eyes would look back at him. _Wake up, please. _A tear fell from his eye and landed on her cheek.

"I'm tired of running away. I can't go on without knowing you're alright. Relena, please wake up," he said as he once again sat down. He held her hand, not wanting to let go, and laid his head on the mattress. "I'm waiting," he murmured before surrendering to sleep.

As he retired to dreamland, a lone tear fell from Relena's eye.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Woot, updated! How was it? I can't believe I just wrote an emotional Heero Yuy here. Comments? Suggestions? This chapter was supposed to be for a Final Fantasy VIII story since Rinoa also fell into a coma in the game, but... I've always wanted to write one for the Gundam Wing universe, hence, this output!

Plus, in my other story "Still I'm With You", almost everything was written on Relena's emotional side. Now, why not write something for Heero? Haha. Sorry if some of you may think that Heero may be out of character. But I did my best. I love drama. Okay? Okay. :)

Review guys. Lemme know what you think of this one! Take care! :)


	3. Song of the Dream

**Chapter 3: Song of the Dream**

"_Tonight when I fall asleep__  
><em>_Come sneaking into my dreams__  
><em>_If I could pass all my nights like that with you__  
><em>_I wouldn't want anything more..."_

_~Yume no Uta (Dream Song) by Koda Kumi~_

* * *

><p>It had become his routine. By day, he will let the doctors examine him, hoping all the while that there was still something wrong with him so that he will not be discharged from the hospital yet. Not yet. And by night time, when only the night shift nurses and doctors were on standby and that was when he will leave his room to see <em>her.<em>

It had already been two days since he poured his heart out to the sleeping beauty. Two days since he admitted both to her and to himself that he was protecting her for a reason far more than just her being the Vice Foreign Minister, for a reason that he himself still had to figure out.

He had been visiting her every night for the past five nights ever since he gained consciousness. It had become his routine to see her, to watch over her, to wait for her, to be the first one to know if she ever woke up. He had been like this for days, but why was it still hard for him to enter her room now? Why did it sting to stand outside her door?

Heero Yuy was and still is the Perfect Soldier. He had never known fear all his life, even death itself. That was why he abhorred the alien feeling invading his senses right now. This new feeling scared him. For the first time in his life, he feared the Angel of Death. He feared the Angel's advent to take _her _away. Moreover, he feared of what will become of him when that happens.

_Peace will be shattered, _that was what he kept on telling himself before surrendering his heart two nights ago. He feared her death because of its consequences to the peace in the Earth Sphere Unified Nations. But deep down inside of him, he tried to deny the possible damage to his life that her death may bring.

So he mustered his courage once more to face her. He was never a religious person. He did not believe in anyone and in anything. But this time he found himself asking whoever deity there was in the sky to bring _her _consciousness back. That was all he asked for.

When he entered the room, he had expected to see her lying form on the mattress illuminated by the moonlight from outside just like what he usually witnessed when he visited her.

Tonight, there was none. She was gone.

"I never thought you'd be here."

Heero narrowed his eyes and was on full alert when he eyed the familiar figure who spoke, seated beside Relena's vacant hospital bed. "Where is she?"

"Apparently not in here." The man did not move nor looked at Heero's direction.

Heero felt a chill run through his body at the man's response. He took a few steps closer to the man, recognizing its platinum blond hair, tall stature, and familiar voice. "Zechs, what's going on? I thought you were in Mars."

The older gentleman sighed as he coolly looked out the window. "I was called. So I returned."

Heero's blood started to boil. "Where is she?" He commanded harder than he had intended. Something was wrong; he could sense it. Relena was not on her bed, and her older brother was called to return to Earth? Something was indeed wrong.

Milliardo Peacecraft ignored Heero's question once more. "Heero, let me ask you. How do you think of my sister?"

The question took Heero aback. Why was Zechs suddenly asking this? And how was he to answer that question? He was confused himself.

When Heero did not reply, Milliardo finally looked at him. "Back then, aboard the Libra. You infiltrated our base to free her, didn't you? It was not to confront me but to rescue her. Wasn't it?"

Milliardo stood up and faced Heero. He wore a white collared shirt and tight leather pants underneath a beige trench coat. "And then you came here even when you're fully capable of leaving the hospital now despite your bandaged state."

Heero's silence was Milliardo's cue to continue speaking authoritatively. "I don't know how much history you've had with my sister during the war. Noin can only mention some of the heroic stunts you did for Sanc Kingdom in 195. But whatever they are, you better leave now and forget about Relena."

Milliardo's last words infuriated the former Gundam pilot. "What brought this on, Zechs? Where is she? What happened to her?" Heero's voice rose in volume as he clenched his fist, trying to contain his temper and fear of what might have happened to Relena.

"She flat-lined," said Milliardo flatly as he stared at Heero intently for his reaction. And he briefly saw the shock on the Perfect Soldier's eyes before it returned to its usual stern gaze.

"You think I'm joking?" asked Milliardo when Heero said nothing. "I don't joke around, Heero. She's in the ICU. The doctors are doing what they can to revive her. She's gone."

This time, Milliardo's features softened. "Save yourself from this, Heero. Leave."

_No. _Of all things, Heero was not a coward. No, he will not leave. He promised her he will be there when she wakes up. _And she will wake up, _Heero convinced himself as he tried to ignore the alien feeling again. _You can't give up, Relena. _"I will not leave."

"You leave me with no choice." In one swift movement, Milliardo's fist collided with Heero's stomach with immense force, making the former Gundam pilot lose consciousness. "This is for the best."

* * *

><p>White. Everything was white. All he can see was white. And all he can hear was deafening silence.<p>

_Where am I? _thought Heero.

Heero Yuy sat up and surveyed his surroundings. White. Nothing else was there. _Am I dead? _It can't be. Can it? _I should be. _

He pressed a palm against his forehead and tried to recall what happened. Before anything else entered his mind, he heard footsteps coming from behind him. The former Gundam pilot did not bother to turn around to see who it was. Whoever it was, he did not care whether it be an enemy or "friend." Suddenly he hoped that it was someone who will take his life away.

The footsteps grew even louder indicating that whoever was behind him was at a close proximity. And then it stopped just behind him. There was silence before Heero felt the person behind him kneel down to his level.

It was unexpected when long, delicate fingers from behind him covered his eyes. Then the figure behind him spoke, "You're not supposed to be here."

Heero could have sworn that his ears betrayed him - that gentle and playful voice. It was something that he can recognize anywhere. "Relena."

"Why did you come?" She leaned on to him, close enough to whisper to his ear.

He felt her breath tickle his ear and neck. It gave him goosebumps. "You don't deserve this."

She chuckled. It was music to his ears. "Deserve what? I have everything I want here." She paused. "You came for me, didn't you? That's all that matters."

"Relena," he whispered. He lifted his hands and placed them on Relena's own ones that were covering his eyes. He wanted to see her. He wanted to turn around. But he feared that if he moved even for an inch, this hallucination or whatever it was will fade away.

_Come back. _He wanted to say, but the words never came out. Was this even real?

"Forgive me," he uttered.

Her fingers uncovered his eyes and settled on his shoulders instead. "For what?"

When Heero moved to turn and face her, before he knew it, he woke up and found himself lying on the hospital bed – panting. And what obscured his vision at first was the fluorescent lamp on the ceiling.

_A dream? _

"Heero!" exclaimed the familiar voice of Duo Maxwell.

Heero turned to his right at the source of the voice. "Duo, what happened? Where am I? What time is it?"

The braided former Gundam pilot placed his hands on the mattress. "_You _tell me what happened. You were breathing and sweating heavily when you were sleeping like you were having some kind of nightmare!" Outright surprise was on Duo's tone of voice.

"What?" _It was a dream then? _But that dream... He heard her voice. He felt her skin. Everything felt so real. No, it was far from a nightmare. Heero even considered reality was the nightmare.

"And to answer your question, it's currently 11:20 in the morning." Duo sat on the chair beside Heero's bed, and crossed his arms behind his head. "Zechs brought you here last night."

Memories of the night before came surging to Heero's mind. Now _that _was not a dream. "I know. He hit me."

"He hit you?" asked Duo disbelievingly.

"_She flat-lined." _Milliardo's voice echoed in his mind. Heero immediately sat up. Last night was not a dream. "Duo, how is Relena?"

If looks could kill, Duo felt that he might have been dead meat by now with the way Heero was looking at him. He stood up. "You're not going to like what I'm going to say."

"Tell me," commanded Heero.

"She died, Heero." And Heero swore that he had never heard Duo speak this serious ever.

_No. _"No," said Heero.

_She felt so alive last night._

Duo breathed deeply. "Yes, she did, man."

_I felt her. She can't have._

"The hell she did!" yelled Heero. He threw the bed sheet covering him and hastily got off the bed.

With his reflex, Duo grabbed Heero's arm forcefully. "She did! Listen to me, buddy. I know that it's hard. We are all sad about this..."

"She is not dead! I saw her. I felt her. I talked to her!"

"What?" Heero's words surprised Duo and he loosened his grip on his comrade. "You dreamed about her. Her spirit may have..."

"Enough!" Heero cut him off. "I have to see her."

"Why are you getting so worked up about this? If you ask me, this is so unlike you, Heero. I don't even understand why you haven't left this goddamn hospital yet!"

But of course Duo understood. He always had. He knew more than anyone just how much Heero cared for the Peacecraft princess. More than that, he knew just how capable Heero was in ruining his own life when he knew the truth of what happened to Relena. However he cannot just allow his comrade to cause a commotion brought about by a sudden burst of emotion. He will not allow that. And this was what he thought he can do to stop Heero at least for the moment. And he knew that he had hit the right spot.

"When I first met you and the princess at the port, you were about to shoot her. Had I not made it in time, you might have been the one to end her life right then and there," Duo began. "And when she transferred to our school as well, you just ignored her. Even when the Eve Wars ended, you just left. And you kept on leaving. Why do you show so much concern for her now?"

Exactly, why? Heero also asked himself. Duo was right. He had no right to correct everything the former God of Death just said. Furthermore, Milliardo Peacecraft also asked the same kind of questions last night_. "Back then, aboard the Libra. You infiltrated our base to free her, didn't you? It was not to confront me but to rescue her. Wasn't it?"_

Why was everyone suddenly asking him this? Was he that transparent? Did he really change? Did Relena mean to him more than just being a symbol of peace?

Before he can respond, the door suddenly burst open, and a sobbing Hilde Schbeiker entered. "She's awake! She's awake! Miss Relena made it! She's alive!"

Heero's eyes widened, relief surged thorough his body. He then felt Hilde's hands hold his. "She's alive, Heero."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Sorry for the late update. But yey! Relena's alive! I apologize for this cliffie, but I want to dedicate a whole chapter for Heero and Relena's reunion. Hihi.

The whole Heero-Relena interaction here was inspired by Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children where Aerith was also telling Cloud why he came to the flower field and why he was seeking forgiveness. Some lines in this chapter were from that scene as well in Advent Children.

And if anyone's wondering why Milliardo's just in Relena's room... Remember that at the ending of the series, he just vanished and it got everyone thinking that he might have been dead. So, there. :)

Take care everyone! :) Until the next update! :)


	4. Stand By

**Chapter 4: Stand By**

"_Like this I'm always beside you. Whenever, I'm always here_

_If together, always giving you energy and grateful to have me beside you_

_Like this, side by side, always your listener_

_Why don't you realize my wish to see you face to face someday?"_

_~Stand By by BoA~_

* * *

><p>Heero looked away from the window when Duo barged in his room along with Hilde.<p>

"Yo!" greeted Duo happily; his arms were crossed at the back of his head. The look on Wing Zero's former pilot was enough to make him spill out whatever it was that made him look annoyingly happy. "The princess is fine, Heero. She's looking well!" For a brief moment, Duo felt like he noticed something flash in Heero's eyes. Was that relief?

It had been six days since Relena gained consciousness. And the doctors had already made it clear that due to the trauma and latest surgery that the Vice Foreign Minister endured, she was still not in a proper condition to receive visitors. Finally on the sixth day, the doctors gave their go signals to the close friends and relatives of Relena – Duo and Hilde included.

However the hospital's management and Relena's adoptive mother, Lucrezia Noin, and Milliardo Peacecraft all came to an agreement that none of them shall visit Relena for the meantime for it will attract the media's attention. And they would not want to reveal to the public yet of Relena's condition before they make the right decisions on what she will do after being discharged. So for the time being, video calls and phone calls sufficed.

Relena did not mind at all, according to Duo who was the first to see her when she had awakened, saying that she fully understood the situation.

"Go see her," offered Hilde to Heero.

"Yeah, you're the one she'll want to see the most," added Duo, putting a hand on Hilde's shoulder.

"I wouldn't think that," Heero retorted, as he looked at his callous hands.

Duo gave an exasperated sigh. _Why are these two so dense about the feelings of the other? _"Go to her and see for yourself."

And Heero did not need much convincing.

* * *

><p>He had been in this kind of situation for several days. It should be easy for him by now to proceed from where he stood outside her room; after all, he <em>had been <em>doing this ever since he gained consciousness from the latest battle. So what was the difference now?

"_She's awake now," _Heero told himself, more of convincing himself that, that was the truth and not a dream anymore. For the past few days, he was a bit bolder to enter her room and watch over her without anyone knowing about it. But now knowing that on the other side of the white door that stood before him was an awake Relena Darlian, and it seemed to hold him down.

Different kinds of emotions welled up inside him. He was, for sure, relieved – more than that actually – at the fact that she was alive. The other one was of guilt he felt, like when he took advantage of her loss of consciousness as he stood close to her and even managed to briefly give her a kiss. More than that, the guilt of failing his mission to protect her still ate him inside. The fact that she was shot, got into surgery, had a coma, and was still incapacitated, were his entire fault. And the other one was of... embarrassment? He knew for one that he had not been his usual self for the past few days. Who would have thought that an assassin like him who had been trained not to feel any kind of emotion for years would experience a mix of grief, reprieve, fear, desperation, and a whole lot of plethora of emotions? And all of these can be attributed to the life of a 17-year old at the other side of the door.

The emotions were overwhelming and Heero tried to collect himself, wondering at how he will act or react if he ever did see her. Just when he was about to fully apply his belief to "Act on your emotions," he actually found this to be a hard task.

He was broken out of his reverie when the door in front of him opened slightly and Relena's doctor came out with a clipboard on his hand. The dark-haired doctor, slightly taller than Heero, nodded at him and smiled. "Good morning. She's up for one more visitor," the doctor regarded him kindly before walking away, leaving Heero alone once more.

Heero breathed heavily. _It's now or never. _He opened the door and entered the room almost with no sound at all even when he closed the door behind him. His rapidly beating heart instantly stilled the moment he laid eyes on Relena.

Relena, dressed in a white hospital gown, was sitting on her bed, while looking out the window with tired-looking eyes, her eyelids almost half-open. Her blanket covered the lower half of her body and her hands were clasped to each other. She looked pale, but still angelic as the light that came from outside reflected on her skin. Her golden hair was tied in a loose braid with some of the loose strands framing her face. She was real; and was perfectly alive.

Thinking that maybe he had indeed entered the room too quietly, Heero began, "Relena."

Relena turned her head at the sound of his voice, apparently surprised. "Heero," she whispered. And then she smiled. The smile even reached her eyes that were now wide awake, eyes that were full of life locked to his penetrating Prussian blue ones. And Heero felt like the whole room brightened up with that simple act.

"I didn't hear you come in," said Relena softly.

Heero did not move from where he stood by the door. He heard her, but it was difficult to formulate a response. He just looked at her, trying to see any traces on her features, anything of what happened on the night that she was shot. She looked fine. She looked beautiful. It was almost as if she had not endured such incident.

A clearing of throat was heard in Relena's direction. "Have a seat," she offered, motioning to the chair beside her bed.

Heero did as he was told. "How are you?" The words finally left his mouth.

The smile remained on Relena's lips. "I'm... coping well. My chest and back still sting from time to time, but other than that I'm fine." She tilted her head a bit. "How about you? I heard that you were also in a comma."

"Hn." He nodded. "I woke up a few days before you did. I was told it was from over-exertion."

"Are you okay now?" asked Relena, sounding concerned.

"My broken bones are healing fast. So it's just only a matter of time," answered Heero monotonously, even the emotions in his eyes were unreadable.

_Just only a matter of time. _The voice of Heero resonated in Relena's mind. It was obvious what he meant by those words. He will leave again. As soon as he was capable of going, he will leave as soon as possible. Things will be back to what they used to be before the Barton uprising. They will go separate ways and Heero will only show up only if she were in danger.

This train of thoughts brought sadness to her eyes, but on her lips. Relena retained the smile on her face. "I see. At least drop by here before you leave the hospital, okay?"

Heero nodded as his response. Then he stood up and walked to the window to take a look at the view of the city below. He caught a glimpse of two to three media vans across the street, apparently waiting to get the latest scoop on the Vice Foreign Minister's health. "What will you do now?" he asked, scrutinizing the vans. "You're still the Vice Foreign Minister."

"You're right. That's a good question," said Relena, her gaze never averting from Heero. As the former Gundam pilot stood by the foot of her bed in front of the glass window, the Peacecraft princess took in his features. His unruly brown hair had grown a bit longer, his arms had long cuts that were about to be healed, but the intensity of his eyes on his attractive face still remained.

"But it seems that my brother and Lady Une already discussed this," she continued, "I will be temporarily replaced until I get better. The doctor said that my rehabilitation will take at least five months, depending on my progress. But my mother called and was strongly against it. She said that it will be best to let me leave politics for now."

He took in her words, but said nothing, which made Relena continue, "That's okay I guess. I'll just have to run on the next election." She chuckled.

This time Heero looked at her. "Rehabilitation?"

Relena nodded. "I was told that I have an incomplete spinal injury. The bullet sort of affected my thoracic spinal level." She sighed. "I'm a paraplegic now. And I have to stay in the hospital or any spinal injury center for skill-building activities."

Though he seemed stoic on the outside, inside he was crumbling. He heard everything she said and cursed himself for what happened to her now that she will not be able to walk for months. Again, the familiar question from the voice at the back of his mind reverberated: _"How could you have been too late?" _How was he going to leave now? Leave her?

He made no notion of it but he saw the sadness in her eyes despite the sunny disposition that she had been putting up. Suddenly, the thought of her always putting up this kind of facade at everyone sickened him. Relena did not have to, he thought, especially with him. He would not judge her for being herself. No, he was the one who should be judged.

Relena's melodious voice broke him out of his reverie. "How about you? Where are you going to go after this?"

"I haven't thought about it yet," he said out loud, but on the inside, he had already made his decision. He turned his attention back outside at the busy crowd on the street. There were still the vans parked where he had last laid eyes on them and busy people walked in and out of his view on the street.

A comfortable silence passed between them for a while until the doctor that Heero met earlier came in with two female nurses.

The doctor, while holding a clipboard on his hand, regarded the two. "Hello, Miss Relena."

"Hello, Doctor Cid."

"Sorry for interrupting but it's time for your x-ray," said the doctor. He turned to Heero. "The x-ray, though, will be done in the room."

Heero understood what the doctor meant, and he would not want to be exposed to radiation. "I understand." He looked at Relena who had a hopeful glint on her eyes.

"Will I see you again today?" she asked.

"If you say so," said Heero before walking out the door, passing by the doctor who had a sheepish grin.

* * *

><p>Later in the afternoon, Duo had entered Relena's room with Hilde following right behind him. "Princess!"<p>

Hilde closed the door behind him and stood beside Duo. "Hello, Miss Relena."

The Vice Foreign Minister dropped the book that she had been reading and beamed at her two visitors. "Duo, Hilde! You guys are still here!"

"Of course we are!" Duo exclaimed, putting his hands on his waist. "Can't believe we're baby-sitting the Perfect Soldier at the other room."

The two females giggled at the statement of Deathscythe's former pilot.

"Well, we actually came here to say goodbye for today," said Duo.

"It's really great to see you well, Miss Relena," said Hilde.

"Thank you. I'm grateful that I got to live another chance. I'm sorry for worrying you all," answered Relena, shaking her head.

"No sweat! Actually..." Duo rubbed the back of his head. "The one who's most worried about you was Heero."

Relena blinked. Did she hear Duo right? "Heero?"

Deathscythe's former pilot sighed. _Why are these two always in denial of what the other feels? _"Yeah. He is." Pausing for a while, he wondered if it will be all right to tell on Heero about him visiting her every night. _No matter what I do he'll kill me anyway. _"He visits you..." _Every night. And I mean EVERY freaking night. _"Frequently. Yeah, he often visits you here when you were still unconscious."

"Really?" a surprised Relena asked. "I never thought."

"You didn't?" asked Hilde.

"No. To be honest, I didn't expect him to still be here. You know him, he just leaves," replied Relena.

Duo put his hands in his pocket. "I've been thinking about that too. His bones are nearly healed now and he's perfectly capable of walking and leaving this place but he hasn't yet."

"Why do you think that is?" asked Relena.

It was Hilde who answered. "We've been thinking that he's probably waiting for you to wake up or something."

_It's only a matter of time, _Heero's words earlier came to her again. Inside, Relena denied the thought that Heero was just waiting for her to wake up. Why would he? Who was she to him? And he himself said that it was only a matter of time. That pertained to him leaving, right?

"It can't be," dismissed Relena.

"I know, right?" said Duo, lifting a finger to emphasize his point. "That guy's totally unpredictable. But who knows, he may stay this time."

"Maybe." Relena shrugged.

Taking a look at his wrist watch, Duo said, "I'd love to stay and chat but we got to go for now. We'll drop by again, Princess!"

"Rest well," said Hilde.

"Thank you. Take care you two." Relena waved them goodbye as they turned for the door.

_Heero, what are you planning?_

A few minutes after Duo and Hilde had left, Heero arrived, still clad in the white hospital shirt and pants. When he approached Relena, he noticed that her bed that was adjusted on a sitting position was slightly reclined. Her eyes were closed; her hands were on her stomach. Heero felt a surge of fear run through him for a while. The last time he had seen her like this was before she was sent to the intensive care unit when she flat-lined. _Relax, _he told himself. _She's just sleeping. _He watched her chest rise and fall with every breath she took. She looked so serene lying there.

Within seconds, Relena's eyelids fluttered opened slightly. She smiled when she saw the person standing by her bed. "You're late," she said softly.

"Doctor won't let me out."

Relena closed her eyes again and giggled. "Heero?" She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Can we go outside?"

She saw the look of surprise and uncertainty in his eyes. "My doctor said I can go outside, on the wheelchair of course. I don't know when's the last time I just went out to breathe some fresh air."

Heero did not need much convincing. Even if it were not for her justifications, he still would have accompanied her. It was all he could do for her. "Hn."

Relena then removed the blanket on her, and Heero leaned forward to gently place his arm underneath her legs. His other arm then gently snaked its way on her back, careful not to make that much contact at the upper part of her back that was affected by Dekim's bullet. With one swift movement, he lifted her from the mattress, while Relena locked her arms around his neck. Unconsciously and probably still drowsy, she leaned her head against his well-toned chest and felt his heartbeat.

He gently placed her on the wheelchair located at the opposite side of the bed, making sure that he did not hurt her in the process. When Relena made sure that she was comfortable on her new mode of transportation, Heero went behind her to push the wheelchair.

They went to the back of the hospital at the grassy area where patients were free to play around safely. Trees were planted around and benches were seen at every corner of the greenest area of the hospital's compound.

Relena inhaled the fresh air, closing her eyes as she did so. "Feels nice."

Heero watched her as he stood behind her. Once again, the guilt that he had been harbouring was welling up inside him. So close. How close she had been in losing the opportunity of living life again.

"Heero?" her voice brought him back to reality. "Can we go over there?" She pointed ahead where bushes adorned with budding red roses were sprouting.

Heero pushed the wheelchair forward without further ado. Little by little, he vowed, that he will make it up to her for everything that he had done since the day they met.

It took about an hour and a half until Relena told Heero that she will be returning to her room now. The sun was beginning to set; its rays were starting to fade as purple and orange hues painted the sky. For the past one hundred twenty minutes, the former Gundam pilot sat on a bench nearby and observed how Relena interacted with her fellow patients – old and young, on a wheelchair or not. Despite her condition, Relena still managed to light up the place with her smile and personality. The patients loved her. Heero noticed how the elderly and the children whom she had shared conversations with enjoyed talking to her and left with pleasant expressions on their faces. Relena can indeed change any place she went to. To think that Relena kept on saying that _he _was one who can give people inspiration and strength to go on. How can he be?

Getting out of the elevator and finally entering her room, Heero went to Relena's side to carry her back to her bed as the princess encircled her arms around his neck. When he had sat her down on the mattress, he was surprised that Relena's arms did not leave its place around his neck. Relena looked up to meet his gaze, fully seeing himself in her soft cerulean eyes, their faces so close to each other he can feel her breath against his chin.

No one said anything. It seemed as if a million lines had been exchanged when the ex-soldier and princess stared at each other. Heero was the first to move as he wrapped his arms around her lower back, careful not to hurt her, and pulled her in an embrace. They both buried their heads in between the other's neck and shoulder. Heero closed his eyes and savoured the feel of Relena's petite frame in his arms. If this were still a dream then he would not want to wake up. To feel her against him like this, he wished that this was real.

"Tell me," said Heero, still in embrace.

"Hm?"

"Tell me this is real," he choked. "Tell me you are real."

Relena giggled against his shoulder. Her stifled laughter filled his being. "Of course this is real." Pulling away to look at him, she was startled when she saw a different look in Heero's eyes. It was that of... sadness? An emotion that she rarely saw from him. No, there was something else. Lost? That was it. He seemed lost, like a child who was separated from his mother. The princess looked at him quizzically, trying to discern what caused him to show these kinds of emotions.

Heero's right hand left its place on her back and moved to brush his knuckles on her cheek before lingering there. "Forgive me."

"What?"

"Forgive me," he repeated. "For everything I've done, for being late, for almost killing you when I targeted the mansion. It was my fault. I could have been there sooner. I failed. I failed you. I failed my mission."

The words poured out, words that he had been harbouring for a long time. He stopped when Relena's hand reached for his hand that was on her cheek and squeezed it tightly.

"Is this what this is all about?" she asked. "I don't blame you for anything, Heero. Never. You have done more than what you think you can do for the welfare of the residents of the Earth Sphere. So please don't think that. What happened to me was the result of a difference in perspective between me and Dekim, nothing more," she voiced out, almost pleadingly.

"You died," he retorted.

Relena laughed a bit. "Yeah, I did. But that was out of our hands. You came for me, didn't you? That's all that matters."

Those were the same words that she uttered when he saw her in a dream, and Heero felt the déjà vu. He heard Relena chuckle again and she closed the gap between them as she pulled him in for another embrace.

"Don't be like this. This isn't the Heero I know," said Relena. "I am not forgiving you because there is nothing to forgive."

Grateful for her words, though it did not fully take away his guilt, he kissed her neck and pulled her closer.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Heero knocked on Relena's door. When nobody answered, he turned the door knob and found it unlocked. <em>Her nurses are careless, leaving her door unlocked like this, <em>he thought to himself. Just as he was about to open the door, a petite nurse came up to him.

"Excuse me, Mister?" said the red-haired nurse.

Heero eyed her and noticed that she was one of the nurses who aided in Relena's x-ray session.

"If you're looking for Miss Darlian, she has already been discharged last night."

_What?_

"Her mother and brother came here last night to have her transferred in a different hospital," added the nurse before regarding him and walking away.

_Why, Relena?_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Yey, update! Sorry for being gone for a long time. I hope you're all contented with this chapter. :)

Take care always guys!

Song translation credits to juxi at BoAjjang.


	5. Never Let Go

**Chapter 5: Never Let Go**

"_Let's hide the truth behind a really good lie__  
><em>_And hide from reality in a really great dream__  
><em>_Even though we're that sort of couple__  
><em>_I don't want to lose you~__"_

_-Never Let Go by Utada Hikaru_

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><p>Wiping the newly formed beads of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, Relena Darlian quickly placed her hand back to the steel bar that was at the same level of her hips on her right. She gripped it tightly until her knuckles were almost white. The same went for her other hand that also gripped the steel bar on the other side with much effort. Concentrating, with her eyes casted onto the floor, she breathed deeply and fought the urge to fall down due to her limp and shaking knees.<p>

_You can do it, Relena. Just a little bit more, _Relena told herself. _Just three steps left. _Just three more baby steps left and she will be at the other end of the steel bars to end this painful ordeal. After tightening her grip on the steel bar, with all her might she tried to lift her right foot to push for another step forward. But her tired arms slowly gave away and together with her equally tired legs, she surrendered to gravity. A man then immediately came to her side and caught her to break her fall.

"I'm sorry. Let me try again," said Relena, clinging on to her physical therapist as she breathed hardly.

Another man approached her and kneeled in front of her – her physician. He was older, about the age of her foster father if he were still alive. And he also bore the same brown hair and stubble, as well as the gentle eyes that he laid on the Peacecraft princess. "It's okay. That's enough for today."

"But I haven't completed this yet," Relena retorted.

The physician smiled at his patient's determination. "You're already tired now. We'll continue this tomorrow." He patted her head. "For now, you'll have to rest."

Relena was about to protest on her physician's declaration of rest, but was cut off when her physical therapist, a male who was about the age of Milliardo Peacecraft, lifted her and placed her on the wheelchair nearby.

"You're doing great now," said her physician.

"Am I really progressing?" asked Relena.

Her doctor beamed. "Of course! At first it was difficult for you to actually stand, but now you've almost reached the end of the bars."

"But I can't stand without them," said Relena.

"You'll get there, I promise," assured the doctor.

"Okay." Relena sighed in defeat. "Thank you for today."

"No problem."

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><p>"Can I get you anything, Miss Relena?" asked Pagan, the elderly butler of the Peacecrafts, now the Darlians.<p>

Relena smiled and shook her head. "None at all. I'm fine, Pagan. Thank you."

"Very well." The butler nodded. "Just call me when you need anything, Miss."

"I will."

The butler then left the princess to her thoughts. She was still dressed in her usual attire of shirt, jogging pants, and rubber shoes, her golden hair on a ponytail. She was always dressed like this whenever her doctors will come to their mansion for her skill-building activities as part of her rehabilitation.

A month had already passed ever since she got home to the Darlian Estate, with her foster mother, Marleen Darlian, insisting that it will be best for Relena if she will recuperate in their own home rather than in the hospitals. For Relena's welfare, her foster mother, had a training room built in their mansion with all the necessary equipment for her daughter's recovery. She had also arranged with the family's personal doctors to be the ones to come to the mansion to assist Relena in her physical and emotional rehabilitations.

Ever since word got out that Relena had already awakened from her comatose state, the number of people from the media crowded the hospital. With the help of Relena's brother, Milliardo, and Lucrezia Noin, Relena's foster mother managed to sneak the princess away from the hospital and had her transferred.

Relena stayed in a different hospital for about a month and had already begun her rehabilitation. But after she once voiced a concern that she would love to be in her home, her mother made all the necessary arrangements to have Relena transferred in their mansion, still without a word to the media. Assured that Relena was safely in her home, Milliardo and Lucrezia bid them farewell and went back to Mars to help in the terraformation project.

Various politicians from the Earth Sphere Unified Nation came to visit the young Vice Foreign Minister the moment she had been transferred to the Darlian Estate. All of them were concerned and were welcomed into the Darlian home, even Mariemeia who came with Lady Une one day. There also came a time when the officers of the ESUN were called by Relena Darlian to discuss her condition and plans for the future.

Nobody objected when the Vice Foreign Minister proposed that she will leave politics for now, though they were already a bit troubled because she was the best person for that position. Everybody looked up to her as the dove of peace in the universe. Without her, who would the people listen to? But of course, her recovery was the top priority.

The Mars terraformation project, proposed by her, will also have a new point person, but she will still be part of the decision-making panel with any concerns regarding it. Three days after the said meeting, the ESUN prime minister announced the current condition of Relena Darlian and her decision to leave politics for the time being.

Relena was grateful for the recent events that transpired over the past few weeks as she felt like a huge burden had been lifted from her when the truth about her condition and her plans for the future were announced to the public. At least her previous position was already filled in by someone who was more experienced and capable than her, or so she thought.

Placing her hand on the glass door that separated her from their vast garden in the backyard, Relena found herself calling the name of the man that she did not get the chance to bid farewell to.

"Heero."

She closed her eyes at the memory of his arms enveloping her in a gentle embrace before she had been transferred in a different hospital. The melodious tone of his voice calling her name while asking for forgiveness had forever embedded its place in her mind, making her long for him even more. It had already been two months since that day. Two months since she last held him close and forgave him for nothing. Had he been free since that day? Free from the guilt that supposedly tormented him for each passing day that she had not awakened yet? Relena hoped so.

There were times when she will ponder on what could have been Heero's reaction when he figured out that she was already gone in the hospital – gone without a word. _Just like what he always does, _she reminded herself. Though there were instances when she will feel like he will be mad about it, she tried to face reality and told herself that he would not mind it at all. After all, who was she in his life? Heero will never care for her the way she did for him. There was just no way.

Then again, this was what she wanted. She wanted to be away from him. She wanted him to live his life without her. Rather, without the obligation of staying with her because of his guilt that he was the cause of what happened to her. She couldn't. She couldn't make him stay for that reason. He should be free, free to do whatever he wanted to do. Wherever he was, she hoped that he was happy.

Reaching for the handle in the middle of the door, Relena slid the glass door open and breathed in the refreshing scent of the roses from their garden. It reminded her of Heero. Just a year ago, he had also been there in that garden with her as he tended to her broken ankle and feverish state. Back then, he wiped away her tears, let her sleep against him, carried her back to her room, and shared the secret of the Rose. The bittersweet memory made her clutch the fabric of her shirt just above her heart.

_I miss him, _she said to herself.

She then placed her hands on the sides of her wheelchair to manoeuvre it forward until she reached the center of their garden underneath a huge tree. A few sunrays made its way through the thick leaves and branches of the shady tree to illuminate her form. The cool breeze of winter blew against her form. It was refreshing to be in this kind of place, she thought. Looking back, it had actually been years since she had last basked in the gloriousness of nature ever since the war began and politics became her field.

There were no more battles to fight now. For Relena, the only thing that she had to overcome for the moment was her disability. She hated this – being helpless and too dependent on others. Tears stung her eyes as she dwelled on her condition. No, she will not be a useless seventeen-year old. She will get through this.

Firm on her resolve, Relena folded her arms and began to hold on to the arm rests of the wheelchair as she, with so much effort, tried to push herself to stand. When she was a few inches above her seat, as she held on to the arm rests, she tried to move her feet. It took a lot of effort for her to just make her right foot move ever so slightly. She forced herself once more to move her feet. A painful smile reached her face as her right foot finally made it on the grassy soil. For her other foot, she exerted the same amount of effort and mentally congratulated herself when it, too, had stepped on the grass.

Now the only thing left to do was to let go. _Can I do it? _she thought. For the past months, she had been learning how to walk again with the assistance of various medical professionals, her walker, and steel bars. Wanting to feel the liberty of being able to walk independently again, Relena mustered her courage and let go of her hold on the arm rests of the wheelchair.

For a while she just stood there, trying her best to maintain her balance. When she had somehow managed to gain her balance as she stood upright, she tried to take a step with her right foot. To no avail, both of her knees weakened when she moved and gravity took control, making Relena fall on to the ground.

Relena fell on her side with her arm absorbing most of the impact. She lay on the grass for a while, making no efforts to move from her position. The grass tickled her cheek and her golden locks were unruly sprawled on the ground as her hair lace was untangled. She lay there watching as the breeze blew on the grass and bushes, the sky a clear azure. Her view of Mother Nature was suddenly blurred in her vision as newly formed tears spilled from her eyes.

_I feel so alone, _she said, wallowing in self-pity. She felt so helpless, so alone. As she sniffed, more tears fell from her eyes. She closed her eyes and unconsciously whispered, "Heero."

Not wanting for someone to come and help her... again, Relena rose from her lying position. She planted both of her hands on the grassy soil and propped herself up with her gaze still casted downwards as a couple more tears cascaded down her cheeks.

Her heart then raced as she heard footsteps approaching her. _Oh no. _If anyone from their house will find out that she had been trying to walk alone and will find her lying on the ground, it will cause an uproar. Before she can immediately act on it and bring herself to sit on the wheel chair once more, she realized something. If someone from their house should be walking towards her, then the sound of the footsteps must come from behind her. But the one that she was hearing was coming from _in front _of her.

Relena raised her head when the person stopped in front of her, his shoes only a few inches away from her face. Her fast heart beating suddenly came to a halt the moment she saw who had come to her side. His figure was against the sun's light, but she could clearly see his piercing Prussian blue eyes, his unruly brown locks that hung over his eyes. She could clearly make out his broad chest and shoulders underneath the white shirt and denim jacket. He was there – real and beautiful.

"Heero," she managed to utter. Letting him see her in this kind of situation was even worse than Pagan seeing her like this. She wanted to slap herself.

His eyes held no emotion in them, they were unreadable. And so was anything about him. Relena held her breath when the man in front of her suddenly kneeled down so that they were on the same level, his eyes locking into hers. He did not say anything even as he lifted his hand and wiped her tear-stained face with his thumb.

"You've been crying," he finally said as if stating a fact.

Of all the people that would see her cry, it was Heero. This was not what she expected nor wanted to happen. _Now he will think of me as weak. After all, I am. Am I? _Relena said to herself. However, against her will, more tears fell from her eyes as his knuckles brushed against her cheek. She already told herself that she will not allow herself to be seen crying again, but she could not help it. His touch was too comforting.

Without a second more, Heero leaned closer and gently wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face on the intersection of his neck and shoulder, and her arms wound its way around his neck. He let her cry against him, her tears wetting his skin and shirt. And he only held her tighter when her sobs grew louder. One of his hands caressed the top of her head before sliding down and played with her golden locks.

When her sobbing ceased she pulled away from him to wipe her own tears, looking away from him as she did so. After she had done so, her gaze remained on some patch of roses at the other side of the garden, refusing to look at Heero in the eyes.

"What are you doing here?" she asked firmly. She will not bother to ask on _how _he had gotten inside through the tight security of the Darlian Estate. That question will be futile for this is Heero Yuy. Now the only thing to know was his purpose for even being here.

"To see you," answered Heero, not moving from his place.

Now that was the answer that she did not expect. Why would he want to see her?

"You're kidding." Relena brushed it off and finally turned to look at him. "I'm no longer the Vice Foreign Minister. My life is not in danger anymore from any threats."

Heero's gaze did not falter and still maintained its intensity. He moved closer to her, just enough for his hand to lightly go over her reddish arm that hit the ground. Relena flinched at his touch.

"I didn't come here for Relena, the Vice Foreign Minister," he said. "I only came here for Relena Darlian, the seventeen-year old who saw me at the beach two years ago."

Relena wanted to melt at his words. She wanted to tell him she wanted to see him too, but decided against it. "For what?"

Heero sighed. "Why did you leave without saying anything?"

"What?"

"At the hospital."

"My brother and mother came later that night. Everything happened so fast." Relena balled a fist on her chest. "They told me that they had already arranged everything in another hospital, and that I had to be relocated immediately because of the growing number of reporters outside. I didn't know about it. I didn't get to tell you."

_Too smooth, _Heero thought. She explained her reason smoothly, as if it were rehearsed, as if she had been preparing to be asked this question for quite some time. It bothered the former Gundam pilot. There was something missing.

"You could've told me, Relena. I know you could, but you didn't," he said.

Relena gave a sarcastic laugh. "I don't know where you're getting at, Heero. But don't you also leave without saying a word all the time?"She did not intend to sound too harsh, but the irony of the situation and his unexpected visit cracked her up. She choked on her guilt as Heero seemed to be affected by her retort.

"You're right. I am like that." His gaze softened, and Relena felt her resolve slowly diminish with the attractive sight.

"So then, why?"

"I still haven't forgotten my promise. I'm here to continue protecting you," said Heero, his tone still monotonous.

Relena's other hand clutched a chunk of grass at his words. "Heero, I already told you. I'm not in any danger any more. I'm not a politician anymore too. I'm just..." _a useless, irrelevant, disabled girl now. _"An ordinary girl now." The princess felt like she something in his eyes that could not discern as she spoke.

Her words insulted him. Relena was never just an ordinary girl. He knew it the moment he had laid eyes on her and had been verified as they both fought through the war.

"If I can't protect you from outside threats anymore," began Heero as he stood up and dipped down to scoop the fallen princess in his arms. "Then let me protect you from yourself."

Relena yelped in surprise as she was lifted from the ground and was placed once more on her wheelchair. "What?"

"You were careless today, Relena. You could've hurt yourself more if you had gone way too far by trying to walk alone," he said, standing in front of her.

"I can go far by myself, thank you very much," Relena retorted. "I'm not as weak as you think I am."

There it was again. Heero suddenly recalled her words before she fell into the dreamless abyss. _"I'm sorry... for being weak."_

"I never thought of you as weak," he whispered softly, but it reached her. And to be honest, she did not know what she should feel about it.

Silence passed between them, with both wondering why their conversation went in this kind of direction.

_Where was everyone in the house?_ Relena thought.

Heero then placed his hand in his jeans pocket and looked at the sky and spoke, "Before you fell into a coma..."

Relena's eyes focused on him, and he looked back at her. "You told me you love me."

It was Relena's turn to look away, her face starting to redden with embarrassment. Her hands balled into fists as she tried to hide it from trembling on her lap. She said nothing.

When no response came from the princess aside from her flushed features, which he found rather cute, he approached her. He leaned and placed one of his hands on the armrest of the wheelchair, while his other hand tipped her chin so that they were eye-to-eye.

"Tell me," he started, his eyes searching hers for an answer. "Is it the truth?" Tears once again made its way up to the windows of Relena's soul, and Heero's heart broke at the sight.

To Relena, how can she possibly deny it? All throughout the war, ever since she met him, she had always known how she felt. However to be asked by him of all people so directly, she could not help but recoil. But then again, how can she deny him?

After seconds of waiting, Relena nodded.

For once ever since their time together at the Libra two years ago, Relena finally saw Heero smile again. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. Relena could not hold back her tears any longer.

"Until now?" asked Heero, still smiling – a smile that even reached his eyes.

Relena nodded again.

"Then let me stay with you," he said softly. His hand that was on her chin then found its way on her cheek to wipe away her tears.

Relena shook her head.

"Don't push me away." Heero leaned closer to steal her breath as he sealed her lips with a kiss. His hand on her cheek made its way at the back of her neck, while his other hand was still pressed on the armchair for support.

Hesitantly, Relena gave in and returned the kiss as one of her hands also reached for his neck before Heero pulled away to look into her eyes.

"I can't..." Relena spoke, her voice cracking. "I can't make you stay out of guilt."

"What?" Heero gave her a quizzical look.

"Duo told me," she said. "You didn't leave the hospital even when you're already fully capable of leaving because you blamed yourself for what happened to me. And back then in my hospital room, you asked for my forgiveness."

"I can't make you stay out of guilt, Heero." Relena shook her head. "No, I don't want you to stay because you think you failed to protect me." She sighed. "It's true. I didn't want to tell you anything because I knew that you will come find me and try to atone for it."

"I don't want that, Heero," she said, finally letting out the words that she had kept for long. "The Earth Sphere's now in peace. I want you to be able to live your life fully in this peaceful universe that you had helped create. And not to be stuck here baby-sitting me out of guilt." His figure of her was obscured by the newly formed tears in her eyes. She choked back a sob. "There's so much more out there than being with a disabled girl like me."

So those were her reasons? That he searched for every hospital in Europe just to find out where she was, to know if she were all right, and to see how she was doing all because of guilt? A small part of him agreed that he felt guilty about it, he could not deny that. But she had already forgiven him, right? And he knew that deep down inside of him that he was here standing in front of her, asking her permission for him to stay because of something more. It was for a reason that transcended keeping a promise, fulfilling a mission, and atoning for a sin. It was more than that. And Heero had finally welcomed this new emotion he never thought he would be capable of attaining. Sadly, he learned it the hard way.

"Relena." He kneeled down and took her hands in his. "I'd rather be by your side than live out there knowing that you're taking risks in trying to walk again."

"When you fell into a coma, it hurt." Relena stared at him, surprised at what she had been both seeing and hearing. She bit her lip as she fought her tears from spilling. She did not see this coming. If she were dreaming, she would never want to wake up. This was too good to be true.

"That's when I realized that I love you. He kissed the back of her hand. "I'm sorry it took this long for me to realize it. It's the first time I felt this way, but I do know what I feel."

Overwhelmed with happiness, Relena leaned down to wrap her arms around the former soldier's neck. Heero returned the gesture as his own arms made its way around her petite form.

"When I get better..." she whispered as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Are you going to leave again?"

Heero's hold on her tightened. "I will stay for as long as you want me to."

The princess smiled at his words as she breathed in his scent. After being torn apart countless times by uncontrolled circumstances, they were finally home.

End

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Hi all! So with this chapter, I officially declare this story COMPLETE! :) I had to finish this one right away because in a few days from now, I'm going to work on my thesis again. Ugh. Haha. At least with this story's ending, now I can allot my free time into finishing my other pending stories. Hihi.

Additional note: In this chapter, some garden scenes that Relena were remembering were from the Gundam Wing manga Ground Zero. It was set after the series, before Endless Waltz? Okay? :)

Thank you to everyone who gave a bit of their time to read and review this from start to end. Really, thank you! :)

P.S.

Sorry if the ending looked a bit... rushed.

Love lots,

Lady-Rinoa14


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